guess what? its been two years since we were front row for mcfly at the radio:ACTIVE sheffield tour date! that was probably my favourite mcfly concert, because I was with you and lucy. and lucy’s mum, obviously. & all the funny things that happened with us and them, aka the hair flicks, and the conversation with danny, and dougie throwing his cookies at you! I miss you, mum. you’d adore the new album. honestly, i think you’d like it more than I do. I’m not saying I don’t love it, its just not as amazing as their other ones. I miss you.

Hi, mum! I haven’t spoken to you on here for so long!

I. MET. MCFLY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
You would have been so proud of me, i didn’t have a mental breakdown in front of tom! ;)
I gave him a letter about what happened to you, & he replied to me on twitter. HE. REPLIED. TO. ME.
I wish you’d have been there, mum. you would have loved it, we met them 4 times. You would have honestly loved it so much, even though i know you were there. I just wish you were there in the flesh, embarrassing me in front of tom or telling danny that you loved him or something.
Its been nearly a year.
its still as hard as the first day it happened. I miss waking up to you pulling my bed covers off of me, or coming down stairs at a ridiculous time in the night because i can’t sleep, & ending up crying with laughter over something. I miss going to see mcfly with you, & people being more bothered about the fact that you’re there, than the fact that I’m there.
I miss you.
so, so, so much.

and I love you.
more than anyone could realize.

oops! I’ve been neglecting you a bit, haven’t I? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to!

well, SO much has happened since I wrote to you last.
I MET ADAM LAMBERT! I know that you’re jealous. I’m SO glad that dad let me go, because he was so gorgeous and amazing and WOW - I’m pretty sure you would have joint kidnapped him with me if you were there with me! & he kept doing that eye thing that me and you like - it took me all of my strength to not end up in a puddle of goo on the floor!

& me and Jonathan are currently doing work experience. I’m working in a photography studio. it would be so much easier if you were here, YOU COULD DRIVE ME! haha. its fun though! all the professional cameras around me aren’t helping my craving for a professional camera, though :( dad said i can’t have one til I leave school! BOO!

Its been 8 months today since you were killed. Its still like some form of stupid nightmare. I hate it. I need you.

I promise I’ll write to you more often.
I love you.
xoxoxoxoxoxo

I haven’t written to you in a while, mum. mainly because I’ve been feeling really really upset, and I know how much you hate me being upset, so i thought i wouldn’t tell you.

Saturday was good though, I went into town with Josie and bought nick Jonas’ album, and met up with jacqui blay from the pulse. That was pretty wierd, I’m 90% sure she was one of your favourite radio DJs, so it was really surreal to have her come up to me and say hello!

Todays been better than I expected. We were indoors for PE so I didn’t mind it so much, although lauren kicked the ball and I thought I’d broken my hand or something, PAINFUL!
We did an english speaking exam too, but that was pretty easy, all we had to do was argue and swear. (I promise we were meant to…)

Tomorrow, we have a FULL day of ICT. its to catch up on all the work that we missed out on when we had Mr Ozan (that twat of a teacher that told me I was lucky that you’d died the way you did :|) So i will no doubt end up having several thousand mental breakdowns over the work, woo…

I’m seeing ne yo on saturday with auntie christine though, yay!

I love you.
xoxoxoxoxo

Today was…… Wierd. In PE, I completely broke down. I felt pretty bad for everyone else to be honest, because I’ve never done that before at school. Then I had that stupid counsellor. I hate her, mum. She just sits there and waits for me to talk, and I don’t like it at all. Plus, I’m all talked out. I’ve talk to tens of people, thousands of times. I don’t wanna talk about how much it hurts that you’re gone anymore.

In other news though, I got my river island bag today, which I could easily marry if it were possible to marry bags. & I’m seeing ne yo with auntie christine next week, which should be good.

I love you. xoxo

I’m gonna be honest with you mum, Absolutley nothing happened today. I woke up with a migrane, so I went back to sleep. Exciting, huh? Tomorrow it will be just over 5 months since you died. It hasn’t made it any easier. If anything, it’s made it worse. I’ve now realized that I have to go the rest of my life without one of my bestfriends. I can’t do it, mum. But I’ll have to. If not for dad and nan, then for you.

I love you. Xoxoxox

Oh dear, I’m not doing very well with this, am I?

nothing major’s happened. I had a really nice day on saturday in leeds with Lucy, eleanor and Josie. & yesterday, I went back to dance. it was so hard. but i did it.

Today was wierd. Nothing much happened, but it was good. But my music lesson absolutely frazzled my brain, because I couldn’t understand what we were doing! and thats not good in our music lesson, because we HAVE to understand. not good…

hows grandad and fluffy and snowy? i hope they’re ok. I know you’re looking after them for me. i just wish you were down here with me, thats all.
I have some physics homework that I can’t work out, that you would have LOVED!

I love you

oxoxoxoxo

there isn’t alot to update you on, mum. mainly because not a lot really happened. although, i met lucy on saturday! (she’s one of my mcfly friends that i’ve never met before)
we ended up painting masks, it was so much fun!

today at lunch, you know who came into the music room. you should have seen me, i had about 400 heart attacks! obviously, Josie found this hilarious… he’s slightly beautiful, though. you know that i think this, though. & we were learning about space & earthquakes in chemistry and physics, you would have LOVED it!

its parents evening now. we’re going to do you proud, mummy! its that one that dad hates, where you have to go round every teacher, so i’m sure this should be fun…

i love you
xoxoxoxox

I went to school today. I’ve been in a really wierd mood today, I kept going really hyper, then really nervous, then really tired, then really happy? strange.

Dad and jonathan went to football tonight, leaving me with nan, JOY!
They lost though, so I currently have two very unhappy boys storming around the house, oh dear…

Mum, Jason manford “app replied me” yesterday, as you liked to call it! he was telling me where to meet him in july/october, so it looks like I’m gonna finally meet him! so excited!
and I’m going to see ne-yo with auntie christine, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to go at first because I knew that you were going to go, but then I figured that you would have wanted me to!

5 month anniversary of you being gone tomorrow, which means tomorrow will be extremely difficult. woo.

I love you
xoxoxoxoxox

I didn’t get out of bed today. I had another dream about how you died, and i couldn’t stop crying so i didn’t go to school.
I think it was a mixture of that and what happened with that guy. I know it sounds pathetic but I’m alot weaker than I used to be, after what happened with you.

Although, I did work out how to focus the camera without it having a fit, and i did some homework so I guess it wasn’t all that bad.

I just wish you were here, thats all.
I love you.
xoxoxoxo