November 2010
1 post
7th November 2010.
guess what? its been two years since we were front row for mcfly at the radio:ACTIVE sheffield tour date! that was probably my favourite mcfly concert, because I was with you and lucy. and lucy’s mum, obviously. & all the funny things that happened with us and them, aka the hair flicks, and the conversation with danny, and dougie throwing his cookies at you!
I miss you, mum. you’d...
August 2010
1 post
8th August 2010.
Hi, mum! I haven’t spoken to you on here for so long! I. MET. MCFLY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You would have been so proud of me, i didn’t have a mental breakdown in front of tom! ;) I gave him a letter about what happened to you, & he replied to me on twitter. HE. REPLIED. TO. ME. I wish you’d have been there, mum. you would have loved it, we met them 4 times....
April 2010
1 post
28th April 2010.
oops! I’ve been neglecting you a bit, haven’t I? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to! well, SO much has happened since I wrote to you last. I MET ADAM LAMBERT! I know that you’re jealous. I’m SO glad that dad let me go, because he was so gorgeous and amazing and WOW - I’m pretty sure you would have joint kidnapped him with me if you were there with me! & he...
February 2010
4 posts
4th February 2010 - 10th February 2010.
I haven’t written to you in a while, mum. mainly because I’ve been feeling really really upset, and I know how much you hate me being upset, so i thought i wouldn’t tell you. Saturday was good though, I went into town with Josie and bought nick Jonas’ album, and met up with jacqui blay from the pulse. That was pretty wierd, I’m 90% sure she was one of your favourite...
3rd February 2010
Today was…… Wierd.
In PE, I completely broke down. I felt pretty bad for everyone else to be honest, because I’ve never done that before at school.
Then I had that stupid counsellor. I hate her, mum. She just sits there and waits for me to talk, and I don’t like it at all. Plus, I’m all talked out. I’ve talk to tens of people, thousands of times. I don’t...
2nd February 2010
I’m gonna be honest with you mum, Absolutley nothing happened today. I woke up with a migrane, so I went back to sleep. Exciting, huh?
Tomorrow it will be just over 5 months since you died.
It hasn’t made it any easier.
If anything, it’s made it worse. I’ve now realized that I have to go the rest of my life without one of my bestfriends.
I can’t do it, mum. But...
27th January - 1st February 2010.
Oh dear, I’m not doing very well with this, am I? nothing major’s happened. I had a really nice day on saturday in leeds with Lucy, eleanor and Josie. & yesterday, I went back to dance. it was so hard. but i did it. Today was wierd. Nothing much happened, but it was good. But my music lesson absolutely frazzled my brain, because I couldn’t understand what we were doing! and...
January 2010
13 posts
20th - 26th January 2010.
there isn’t alot to update you on, mum. mainly because not a lot really happened. although, i met lucy on saturday! (she’s one of my mcfly friends that i’ve never met before) we ended up painting masks, it was so much fun! today at lunch, you know who came into the music room. you should have seen me, i had about 400 heart attacks! obviously, Josie found this hilarious…...
19th January 2010.
I went to school today. I’ve been in a really wierd mood today, I kept going really hyper, then really nervous, then really tired, then really happy? strange. Dad and jonathan went to football tonight, leaving me with nan, JOY! They lost though, so I currently have two very unhappy boys storming around the house, oh dear… Mum, Jason manford “app replied me” yesterday, as...
18th January 2010.
I didn’t get out of bed today. I had another dream about how you died, and i couldn’t stop crying so i didn’t go to school. I think it was a mixture of that and what happened with that guy. I know it sounds pathetic but I’m alot weaker than I used to be, after what happened with you. Although, I did work out how to focus the camera without it having a fit, and i did some...
17th January 2010.
I wasn’t planning on getting out of bed today. I still felt completely awful from last night, and to be honest i’m still kicking myself now. He’s ok about it though, i don’t want to ruin my friendship with him. I love him too much as a friend to do that. So, Lucy and Josie came over to take my mind off of things and we ended up going shopping/sitting in starbucks for ages....
16th January 2010.
I woke up at 2pm, oops! in my defense though, no-one actually woke me up. They should know by now that if you don’t wake me up, then I WILL sleep. Alot. I told that guy that I liked him, mum. I don’t know why. I knew it would absolutely wreck me. It did. He doesn’t feel the same way. this will sound pathetic but i spent a couple of hours crying last night, woo! i wish you were...
15th January 2010.
I got an A in my maths exam, mum! I’m really proud of it because i found it pretty hard, :D we went to dance’s pantomime, it was weird not having you with me. I wish i could go back, i’m trying, honestly. I just don’t know whether it will bring back too many memories that I don’t want to face without you here. I need you back so much. I love you. xoxoxoxoxox
14th January 2010.
I got my module 1 results, mum! I got A in biology, B in chemistry and C in physics. I’m sort of disappointed, but it was because the man who killed you was getting trialled on the day, so i was already really nervous. Jonathan half told that guy i was telling you about that I liked him |: needless to say, I didn’t talk to him for about 3 hours! but the boy’s still talking to me...
11th - 12th January 2010.
Not much happened yesterday, boring school as usual! although we learnt about cloning in biology, which I’m sure you would have loved! & today we weren’t in school because of black ice, and dad didn’t go to work. i wrote one of my stories that you liked, i know you would have been proud of me. i really like this boy, mum. How do I tell dad? you know what he’s like! I...
10th January 2010.
I got up at 9am! 9AM!!! I was going to Leeds originally to see some friends, but nan was too worried, so i didn’t end up going. me, josie, jonathan and matthew went sledging instead. i took out a full family… not on purpose. I can’t steer on sledges and crashed into them, good times. school tomorrow, woo :/ i love you xoxoxoxox
5th - 9th January 2010.
You knew that I wouldn’t keep this up, didn’t you? Well, on tuesday it was a snow day! so dad drove me and Jonathan down to thackley and we went sledging in the woods, it was SO much fun but i spent most of it on the floor, in all honesty… & then we went to eleanor’s house for hot chocolate. you never met her puppy, did you? he is SO gorgeous! you would have stolen him...
4th January 2010
Not much happened today, mum. I was up all night crying over you again, mum. I ended up being awake until about half four. I know that you wouldn’t have wanted me to, but i can’t help it. I miss you too much. I wonder if its ever going to get any easier. I just wish I’d had the chance to say goodbye to you. properly. School was….school. i learnt all those words for music...
3rd January 2010
Mum, it was the big match today! leeds versus manchester united, AND WE WON!!! no-one could believe it, dad was biting his nails as usual, and saying “COME ON BECKFORD!” in his angry voice (like he can actually hear him anyway…) and yeah, we won! longest 90 minutes (& 5 minutes ET) EVERRRRRR and then i went to a bonfire/beacon thing at Josie’s church. they had it in a...
Okay, so, you're all gonna be wondering what the...
I’m not sure how to explain it. If you follow my personal blog, then you will know that I sometimes post blogs sort of “addressed” to my mum, as if I’m talking to her. well, I want to write one every day. It sound stupid, but writing letters to her sort of comforts me. so I’m gonna use this. Its gonna be sort of a 365 project to my mum. plus, then, if you’re...